Eight Big Mistakes Divorcing People Make

1. Failing To Respond

When you receive a summons, you must DO something! You will not automatically be given notice of a court date. In fact, if you fail to put in a notice of your intention to defend, the case can be finalised without any further reference to you. This can cost you plenty. Get Advice from a good source – preferably, a divorce specialist attorney. Yes, it will cost you some money. But, be warned - it costs much, much more if you do not investigate before taking an informed decision. Sometimes, doing nothing is the right decision. But not very often.

2. Incorrect legal Advice

Many people have lost plenty by listening to the wrong advice about their divorces, custody cases, maintenance and other legal issues. How do you know the advice is bad? Well, it is almost certainly tainted if it does not come from a lawyer. Second, you must choose the right lawyer. Third, you must give that lawyer the best possible and most complete information that is available, to enable him or her to give you the right advice. Finally, you must really listen to the advice, critically. Analyse the advice and ask questions. Challenge it, if you have any doubts at all. Most importantly, don’t simply cheer because you think you have got the advice you really wanted to hear. Be suspicious of your own thought processes. Maybe you misunderstood it. Go over it again. It is much to important, to gloss over.

3. Bad Settlement Agreement

You must have a full, comprehensive settlement agreement, and it’s best if it was prepared by an expert. It must be able to answer all the questions you ask about issues that must be settled when marriage ends. (See our notes on settlement – we cover most things. If in doubt, ask your lawyer). How do you know that the agreement s a good one? It is likely to be a good agreement if it checks out after you have read everything relevant in the Divorcelink notes, and if you have a good lawyer – see our article on how to choose a good lawyer.

4. Failing To Comply With The Settlement Agreement

You went to the trouble of getting a comprehensive settlement agreement. Now, do the work. Make sure that you follow the requirements of the agreement to the ‘T’. And, make sure that your ‘ex’ is equally careful to comply with the agreement. By all means, if something comes up that you were not expecting or you are in doubt, call a meeting to discuss it. But, do not just leave it – you may wind up in court, on the losing side. Besides, if you fail to comply with even just one of your duties in terms of the agreement, you will be giving the ‘ex’ ammunition to say “I told you…” to your kids, your relatives and anybody else willing to listen and brand you a dead loss.

5. Becoming Frustrated, Giving Up

Negotiations can take a long time. So can the legal process. Be patient. By all means, do not let time go by with nothing happening – this may suit the opposition. Certainly, if you just ‘give up’ because you are too tired, stressed or financially stretched to stay the distance, you may be playing into the other person’s hands. Slowing the pace to a crawl is a favourite tactic of some divorce lawyers, especially when they are representing the wife and they have managed to get her a generous interim maintenance order. Don’t assume you are doomed. Interim maintenance tends to be generous, but it may be all she is going to get. Keep the pressure on to keep the case moving forward.

6. Being Too Generous

There are various reasons why people are too generous in divorce settlements. They may be hoping that their generosity will lure their errant spouse back to the marital bed. It will not, it will merely give him or her greater satisfaction and the feeling that they have definitely done the right thing – you. Another reason for great generosity is an attempt to settle a guilty conscience. No go. If you have been a real jerk, following that with generosity merely underlines what a dope you have been. You will know, and others will know, that it is too little, too late. Save your money. Or, if you are on the receiving end, accept all you can get – the future may be a long and bitter one.

7. Making Assumptions, Without Advice

So often, we have heard people say, “But I thought….” While gazing forlornly at their settlement agreement, realising that they were not getting paid a certain sum after all, or seeing that it is not going to come their way for another 27 years. They thought they were in the pound seats, only to find that that were standing at the back! Read your agreement very carefully before you sign it, ask any question that comes to mind and ponder it long and hard, to make sure that you know exactly what you are doing.

8. Trusting Foolishly